


Momentarily

by triplebang



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, First Time Blow Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, M/M, Making Out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-10-14 15:26:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17511110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triplebang/pseuds/triplebang
Summary: Felix knows that Chan goes through a lot, and he knows that the amount of comfort that he can offer him is limited. He doesn't mean to lose control of his actions at such a bad time, but he's relieved when Chan doesn't push him away.





	Momentarily

**Author's Note:**

> Please excuse any spelling or grammar mistakes if there are any, this hasn't been proofread or anything.

Felix can’t recall a time where he’s felt _this_ proud of someone. Stray Kids had debuted less than a year ago, and they’re already doing so well; releasing multiple albums and winning award. It’s all thanks to one man: Bang Chan. It’s no secret that Felix admires him, he’s everything anyone would want to be, really. He’s got so many skills and talents, so much charisma, such good looks and, on top of it all, he’s the leader of their group. If it weren’t for him, none of the members would be where they are today.

But Chan is only human, Felix knows. Behind all of those friendly smiles and dorky laughs lies something much sadder, much emptier. Felix has seen the look in his leader’s eyes in the middle of the night, when the elder can’t sleep and decides to work on something instead. He sees the way Chan stares off into space every once in a while, eyes heavy with exhaustion, and maybe even something darker; Felix doesn’t even know.

Everybody knows what kind of effort Chan puts in for the group, and they all try to make things as easy for him as possible. Nothing hurts them more than to see their leader be restless or upset. They do what they can, but Felix feels like it still isn’t enough. He knows that things aren’t that simple, that he can’t just make Chan magically feel better, but if there was anything he could do to make that happen, he’d do it, no questions asked.

It’s no surprise to him when he finds out that Chan is still awake in the middle of the night. Felix had a feeling that Chan wasn’t doing too well today; he’s learned how to read the subtle hints and body language, despite all of Chan’s protests and saying that he’s fine. It was as if his instinct took over when he found himself padding towards the leader’s and Changbin’s shared room. He knew that Changbin was currently sleeping in Hyunjin’s bed, if the earlier complaints resonating through the dorms were anything to go by. He knows that Hyunjin doesn’t actually mind it, though.

To his surprise, when he softly pushes the door open, Chan isn’t working on anything. For once, there’s no sterile blue glow coating his face. Instead, what he encounters is much worse, and much more heartbreaking.

The sniffling that was quietly resonating through the room ceases immediately, and Felix can just barely make out the lump that’s supposed to be Chan’s body, curled up on the leader’s bed. Felix’s instinct takes over again, and he closes the door behind him, then takes quick steps toward Chan’s bed, immediately getting onto it and crawling towards Chan.

“Felix, what are you doing?” the leader asks, attempting to regain composure despite his unstable voice. “You should go to sleep.”

The younger wraps himself around Chan and pushes him down on the bed, so that he’s resting against his chest. It’s officially become Felix’s job to cuddle him better. “I had a feeling that something was wrong,” he mumbles, squeezing onto Chan, who breathes out shakily.

“It’s alright, Lix,” Chan reassures. “Everybody feels this way every now and then, its fine.” He runs a hand through Felix’s hair, sniffling lightly. Felix hates how even though Chan’s the one who needs the comfort, it feels like Felix is the one being soothed instead.

“Yeah, but you feel like this often,” argues Felix with a pout. Chan doesn’t reply. “I wish I could make you feel better.”

Chan sighs through his nose. “You do. You all do. I really appreciate you guys a lot.” His voice starts wavering when he says, “Even when I’m at my worse, I’m able to get through because of you.”

At the end of his sentence, Felix’s arms tighten around Chan’s waist as he feels the elder quietly sob. He wants to look up and wipe the tears away from his face, but he’s afraid of seeing him cry. It always makes his heart twist uncomfortably and, this is something that Felix hates to admit, but it gives him the urge to kiss Chan, to press his lips against the leaders in an attempt to comfort him. He doesn’t even know if that would work.

Felix figures that there isn’t all that much he can do at the moment, so he sighs and holds onto Chan as the leader cries. Hopefully just his presence is enough to calm him down a bit. Felix just wants him to stop. With each sob, he feels a small piece of his heart break, and he squeezes him harder every time.

Chan’s crying doesn’t cease any time soon, though. This is really the first time Felix has seen him in such a bad state. He’s seen him cry before, but not this hard. Chan is usually able to find his cool pretty fast, so he has no idea why he’s having such a hard time tonight. Maybe everything finally just piled up and he can’t handle it anymore…

“Hyung,” Felix calls weakly, “It hurts when you cry.”

That probably wasn’t the best thing to say, because it only makes Chan wail again. He squeezes onto Felix, though, so hard that the younger almost can’t breathe anymore. “I’m sorry,” he says between sniffles. “I just can’t stop. I don’t know why, I just…”

Chan doesn’t finish his sentence, so Felix prompts him to continue. “You just what?” he asks softly, running his hand up and down the elder’s back.

“I just feel so pathetic. I’m the leader, yet I’m here crying like a baby and making you worried,” he explains tearfully. “And, I just feel disgusting, and, like, god.” He’s not able to control himself when more tears spill, and Felix finally decides to look up and wipe some of them away. “Like, I hate everything about the way I am, I don’t know. I’m being stupid, just…”

Felix lets go of Chan so that he can prop himself up and look down at his face. Chan immediately moves a hand to cover it up, though it’s really not like Felix can see all that clearly in the dark anyway. He gently takes the leader’s wrist and moves it away, which only makes the elder turn his head to the side. Felix figures that he’s probably embarrassed, but he decides to gently cup his cheek and make him turn back.

Chan finally looks up at him, eyes glossy and wet, frown on his face. He looks more vulnerable than Felix has ever seen him; he almost looks fragile. Felix doesn’t know what possesses him, but it’s as though his heart finally twisted hard enough that it just snapped, and he leans down so that he’s not more than an inch away from Chan’s face. “Hyung, can I kiss you?” he asks softly.

Anxiety washes over him when Chan’s eyes widen, and he realizes what he just did. Fuck. Maybe this isn’t so weird, maybe Chan will just brush it off. After all, Changbin and Hyunjin kiss all the time and it’s not like there’s anything weird going on between them, right? So, maybe Chan won’t realize how hard Felix’s heart is pounding out of fear at this very moment. What did Felix even ask this for, anyway? What’s his problem? Chan is clearly going through a lot, and-

“Okay,” Chan murmurs, sniffling lightly. “But, why?”

Felix blinks, unsure of how to answer the question. Maybe he should answer truthfully. “I don’t know, it’s just… Whenever I see you cry or be upset, I have this overwhelming urge to, like, hug you and kiss you and stuff. Is that weird?”

Chan blinks a few tears away, humming in contemplation. “I think the kissing part is a bit weird. But, I would kind of like that right now,” he says shyly. “I mean, if that’s what you want.”

“Yeah,” says Felix. “It is what I want…” The only problem is that Felix didn’t think bother thinking this far ahead. He would have never expected to get here, so he didn’t take the fact that he has _no_ idea what he’s doing into consideration.

Chan’s lips look so inviting, though. They look a bit slick and very soft; Felix just feels himself being pulled in. His eyes flutter shut when he finally touches them with his own, and he can feel Chan unsteadily sighing through his nose, breath hitting Felix’s cheek. He tries not to think too much, and allows himself to just kiss him. His lips frame Chan’s bottom one, and he can feel the elder kiss him back, moving slowly. There’s no tongue involved, yet somehow Felix still manages to taste the sweetness.

He pulls away for a bit, opening his eyes and scanning the elder’s face. Chan’s eyes are still producing tears, but he seems a lot calmer. He’s looking at Felix too, and the younger feels him place a hand against the back of his neck, pulling him back in. This time, it’s more than just testing the waters. Felix feels Chan actually _kiss_ him, and he understands now how he’s supposed to move. He follows Chan’s lead, the way he always does, and his body practically starts melting against the leader’s.

Their chests are touching, and with the slight tremors that Felix feels coming from Chan’s body, he can tell that he’s still crying. The younger pushes against him harder, hoping that it’ll somehow work to calm him down. Their kiss deepens, and Chan’s fingers twist in his hair in a way that makes him whimper. When Felix boldly swipes his tongue over Chan’s lips, it’s the elder’s turn to make a sound. It’s something between an inhale and a low moan, and Felix decides that he needs to hear more of it.

His hands gently find a place on Chan’s sides, and they start trailing up and down, making the elder pull away from the kiss and exhale. Felix leans down to kiss Chan more, but this time his lips find his cheek instead. Then, they trail down to his jaw, making the elder throw his head back a bit to give him better access. Felix can’t help himself when his teeth start nipping on Chan’s flesh, and he finds himself wanting to desperately taste more.

He pulls away and breathily asks, “Channie-hyung, can I touch you?” Chan doesn’t say anything in response; he just nods and grabs onto Felix’s wrists, guiding his hands to touch underneath his shirt. Felix happily obliges, lightly dragging his nails against the flesh, trying to find the areas that will make Chan react more. He feels satisfaction every time he manages to make the elder shiver and harshly breathe.

He slots his lips against Chan’s once more, then hungrily starts licking into his mouth. The leader allows him, and his torso lifts off the bed slightly when Felix’s nails graze against a particularly sensitive spot. Soon, touching Chan’s chest isn’t enough, and the younger hesitantly slips his fingers underneath the elder’s waistband. He starts massaging his hips as soon as Chan moans into his mouth, tensing his thigh muscles and meeting his touch. It’s at that moment that Felix registers how horny he’s become, and he can’t help himself when he subtly grinds down against Chan’s thigh.

“Fuck,” Chan curses, moving his leg up so that it brushes against Felix’s crotch better. “Felix…”

The younger responds with a whine. “Is this okay? I’m sorry, I don’t know if-“

“It’s okay, please. I mean, are you sure?” Chan hesitates. “I don’t want you to do anything because you feel like you have to.” He tears up again, and says, “I’m sorry, god, I really am gross, fuck.”

“No,” Felix immediately interrupts and presses a kiss against his cheek. “No, you’re not gross at all. Hyung, I want this.” He kisses his neck. “I want you to feel good,” he timidly admits, and Chan groans.

“Okay,” he nods. “Only if you’re sure.” He’s still sniffing, but his crying has finally calmed down, which makes Felix feel better.

The younger nods and starts touching Chan again, unsurely pushing his waistband down, moving himself so that he doesn’t get in the way. Once the elder’s pants are off, Felix eye’s Chan’s semi-hard length through his briefs, and he cautiously palms it. The leader whimpers and throws his head back, exposing his neck so that Felix once again leans in and starts kissing it.

He massages Chan’s cock through the fabric, feeling it hardening under his touch. “Ah, Felix,” he whines, lifting his hips off the bed. The younger man shivers at the way that Chan calls his name. He really wants to do more for him, so he crawls down and starts slipping Chan’s underwear off, holding his breath as the elder’s erection finally comes into view. He can’t help but stare at it, trying to discern the way it looks in the dark, making Chan writhe in embarrassment. “Please don’t stare,” he asks softly.

Felix settles in between his legs, leveling his face with Chan’s crotch. “Sorry,” he apologizes. He grabs onto one of Chan’s thighs and starts pressing kisses into it, occasionally giving it a few licks, as he moves farther and farther in. He’s fascinated by the way Chan’s body reacts, twitching slightly, muscles tensing. He seems impatient, but Felix can’t help but press teasing kisses into Chan’s other thigh as well, drawing everything out.

Truthfully, Felix has never sucked dick, so he doesn’t really know what he’s doing. He doesn’t know if Chan’s done this before, and he’s nervous that he might not be as good as the last person that might have done this. But, when he looks up and sees Chan’s face twisted in pleasure, he figures that it might not matter that Felix is so inexperienced.

He nervously wraps his short fingers around Chan’s shaft, tentatively rubbing the flesh underneath them. He hears Chan exhale, and he looks up once more to see that the leader is staring at him. They look into each other’s eyes, and Felix thinks that Chan looks worried, but he reassures him by giving him a small smile, then sticking his tongue out and licking the tip of his cock.

Chan’s brows immediately furrow and he sucks his lower lip into his mouth. The younger repeats the action, this time more assuredly, going farther, and it’s not long before Chan’s dick is coated in his spit. Felix opens his mouth against the side of it and presses his tongue flat against the flesh, running it up and down. He can smell his own saliva, and while that would normally gross him out, it only makes him feel more intoxicated.

Chan’s breathing quickens as soon as Felix finally starts pushing his cock into his mouth. He feels the tip press against his tongue, and he feels it sliding deeper the more he takes it in. The elder brings his hands to Felix’s his head, burying his fingers in his hair and gently rubbing his scalp. “Warm,” he moans, and Felix nearly giggles at the fact that Chan can’t even form a full sentence.

He hollows his cheeks and takes him in as deep as he can before he gags a little bit. When he does, Chan curses. “Be careful,” he warns, but his voice isn’t really stern.

Felix pulls off and laps at the tip before he says, “It’s okay. I like it.”

Chan groans and bites his lip. “Shit, that’s hot,” he exhales, and he rubs at Felix head encouragingly so that the younger leans down again.

This time, Felix takes him in more comfortably, and when Chan’s inside of him again, he starts sucking and moving his tongue around the length. He bobs his head, and occasionally goes down far enough that he gags a little, making his eyes water, but he really likes it. He likes it even more because Chan’s giving him such nice reactions, making tiny sounds and unconsciously gripping his hair a little harder. Felix can tell that he’s struggling to not thrust up into his mouth, and he really appreciates it. The last thing he’s want to do is choke so hard that it ruins the mood.

His hands move to Chan’s hipbones so that he can start massaging them with his thumbs. He speeds up his pace and tries harder to move his tongue in a way that he knows will make Chan feel good. He can hear the elder start panting above him, tugging on Felix’s strands and moaning more often. “Felix, I’m close,” he warns, staring down at the younger.

Felix takes him in deeper, then swallows around the length before pulling off of it. His hand wraps around the cock and he starts quickly jacking him off, licking the tip a little bit. Chan groans and closes his eyes, and he breathes in harshly when he cums. The cum lands on Felix’s cheek and drips down. It nearly falls onto the bed, but the younger catches it with his hand. He contemplates tasting it, but the smell doesn’t seem too pleasant, and Felix doesn’t want to offend Chan by grimacing, so he doesn’t.

When he finally lets go of his dick, he sits back up and looks at the leader. He’s catching his breath, and his expression looks peaceful. Chan soon slowly sits up and cups Felix’s clean cheek, then he leans in and kisses him slowly. “Sorry,” he whispers after pulling away. “Let’s clean you up.”

After wiping Felix clean with a tissue, Chan goes back to kissing him, repeatedly smooching his lips and the areas around it. “Thank you,” he says tenderly. “That felt really nice.”

“It’s my pleasure,” Felix giggles. “I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to do that. I really liked it,” he timidly adds.

Chan smiles at him. “Do you want me to help you out?” he asks, referring to Felix’s semi erection. The younger shakes his head in refusal.

“No, that’s fine. I’m too tired. You can thank me with cuddles, though,” he replies.

Chan laughs through his nose and wraps his arms around Felix’s waist, pushing the both of them down on the bed. “Okay, but I’ll repay the favor eventually,” he says, nuzzling his nose into Felix’s hair. “Thank you, again.”

“Don’t worry about it,” the younger says, and he feels Chan eventually drift off.

Truthfully, Felix is the one who feels grateful. He feels so much better now that Chan isn’t crying anymore, and he finally got to kiss the leader the way that he’s so often imagined. He knows that Chan’s problems haven’t magically disappeared, but he’s happy to know that at least momentarily, the leader seems to be sleeping peacefully.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this, please leave a kudos and/or comment. I really appreciate those.
> 
> If you need anything from me: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/tripIebang/)


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